Parenting and lifestyle blog

Thursday, 11 May 2017

#bloggertakeover - My top 5 ridiculous misconceptions before I became a mother


Welcome to the second of Winging it with two boys #bloggertakeover series.  This guest blog has been written by Muffin Top Mummy on her top 5 ridiculous misconceptions before she became a mother.


I was very naïve before I had a baby.

I would see or hear mothers talk about how challenging it can be and I dismissed it with a ‘pish-posh’. If you did it right, it wouldn’t be hard, surely?

Feel free to slap me now. I would if I could.

How on earth I thought I had any right to pass any sort of judgement, I’ll never know. But I did and I’m sorry, because this motherhood lark is not a walk in the proverbial park. And I’m only 5 months in!

So I thought I’d share (for any misguided fools like my pre-baby self) my top 5 misconceptions – and how they’ve changed since I had my baby.

1) I’d jump right in headfirst and be awesome

This changed about 5 seconds into motherhood, when I had lost too much blood to be jumping into anything. I spent the first 5 days with my baby lying in a hospital bed with barely enough energy to get up and wee, let alone feed or change my new little person. Thankfully, my husband learnt the ropes pretty quickly and so rocked the awesome daddy role until I was back on my feet. Thank goodness for daddies!

2) My body would bounce back like a bikini model

Yep, I genuinely thought this. I wasn’t a bikini model to begin with – why on earth would my body decide not to hold onto all of the donuts, chocolate, cakes, crisps, toast and god knows what else that I fed it while pregnant? I had visions of slimming down instantly as if it were a case of unzipping the ‘pregnancy fat suit’ and stepping out to the cheers of Heat magazine. You’ll be unsurprised to find out that this did not occur. Instead, I sit here typing this in the sunshine, admiring my 3 ‘other’ chins in the reflection of my laptop. Damn donuts. 

3) I wouldn’t let the baby get one up on me

As it turns out, you can’t discipline a newborn. If baby wants to be held, baby will cry. If baby wants to be held all the time, baby will cry all the time. Unless, you give in and hold her. I didn’t think I’d be the ‘giving in’ type. But those cries pierce through your heart, let me tell you (and it’s not giving in – it’s being a mother). Now she’s 5 months old, she knows to kick off if she doesn’t want to be put down, or if she drops a toy, or if you move something she was after. Mummy doesn’t mind though, until she’s old enough to learn how to manage her frustrations, I’ll be there picking up that toy each and every time.  

4) Don’t even talk to me about dummies

My baby was not going to have a dummy. Both my husband and I agreed on that instantly. Fast-forward 24 hours from her birth and I was frantically sending family members out to collect as many soothers as possible. A dummy calms her and makes her happy. So a dummy she shall have.

5) Maternity leave would be easy peasy

I’ve spent the best part of my working life looking forward to my year of maternity leave. I pictured endless boxsets, a whole library-worth of reading material and daily trips to coffee shops. I’d waft about with my beautiful baby under my arm like a stylish lady of leisure. Only one thing about that picture is true: my baby is beautiful. A good day is if I manage to leave the house for a quick trip round the block to give her some ‘fresh air’. I watched a few boxsets back to back and got so bored I realised that I needed some mental stimulation. I needed to work. That’s why, 3 months postpartum, I set up my blog, which has given me a pretty decent balance. But easy peasy, this life is not. Snot, sick and bowel movements rule your days – and if you aren’t prepared, it can come as a bit of a nasty shock!

There are plenty of other misconceptions I had about motherhood before giving birth (like having an active social life) but these top 5 really summarise how clueless I was. I know that no-one can ever prepare you for becoming a parent, but if this resonates with or helps anyone to understand what it means to become a mother, then my job here is done.

Thank you to Lucy Munday who writes for Muffin Top Mummy for writing this fantastic post on her Top 5 ridiculous misconceptions before she became a mother.

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